just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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