That's intense
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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