How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
