Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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