We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
