Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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