man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
