how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
