Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
