I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
