idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my shit smells like andre
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
