That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
