Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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