sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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