I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
