Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
smell my finger.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
