I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
