I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
