the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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