xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize