I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
