You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
