"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
