I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
