I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
