The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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