Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
