So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
