we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
