I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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