The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
from now on my penis is your penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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