apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
