OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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