I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
