his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
