I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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