You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
