he puts the penis in happiness.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
