I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
