dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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