It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
