Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
