Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
