Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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