i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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