You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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