i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
