Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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