She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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