just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
