ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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