You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize