mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
