So drunk its hurt
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My liver just had a heart attack.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
