Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize