my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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