he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
