Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
