spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
