So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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