You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
