Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
